& // minimalist*

This is the end...

2007-03-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

So sorry guys, but I havta stop posting my blog here.

I still have a new blog, it is in livejournal, but no...you can't access it anymore. I'm sorry.

all about virginity

2007-02-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

I'm not here to preach, ok? I'm just here to voice out my opinions. I will try not to go overboard. Let me just remind you that I am not trying to offend anyone at all.

***
I was browsing over the web when I cam across to a website discussing with virginity. Nothing that I am concerned of, but the people seem to view virginity a little, well---cheap.

I am a devout Catholic Christian, so more or less my opinion is more onto that side. Yes, no pre-marital sex for me. No siree. I want to be virgin as long as God wants me to.

Why?

Point 1: Virginity is not just the "breaking of hymen" or other scientific terms and procedures. It's also a state of mind. For me, virginity is a test of patience and commitment--to yourself and to The One. If you know how to control your 'ultimate desires', then sure, you could also control whatever feelings you have, may it be anger or the desire to eat some chocolate. For me, being a virgin means being one with myself--taking care of myself because I wouldn't want some nasty old geezer to ram himself into my insides.
Point 2: Sex is Sacred. Yep. For me, sex is Holy. Today, with the media going on, sex is being cheapened. Like it's a pleasure of a lifetime, and you could actually do it again and again and again, so long as you have someone. Well, sure---sex is great and all (or so I've heard), but wouldn't it be more wonderful if you spend it to The One? Wouldn't it me more pleasurable if you know you're doing it with the One you love, trust and adore? Wouldn't it be wonderful to conceive a child with the person you know who will take care of you both? Who cherishes you the same way as you do? Wouldn't it be wonderful if you actually did it with the Blessing from God? If you didn't know, God can see everything, even if you are in bed with someone. He even hears your cry, either with pain or pleasure---you choose. And that is why I haven't had any boyfriend. No siree. NO BOYFRIEND. Am I happy? You bet I am.

Is sex important? For me, it isn't. No matter what you say--it isn't important for me, just the same as finding a man to love me. Hey, I have lived my life for 20 years without one. And look where I am now? I'm almost reaching my dream.

So if you view virginity as cheap, I don't blame you. It's your opinion. You have the right to choose whether you want to keep it or not. But I hope some of my words came through to you. Think about it.

YFC Canada and Introducing Mr. Penguin, Migi the Bunny and Pecky the Duck

2007-01-20T08:26:00.002-08:00

Have you ever had that feeling when your nerves are shaking in excitement? Like you wanted to call every person connected to you and say your 'big news'? Well, that's what I've been feeling as of late. Although it wasn't really a big news, come on--my mom just told me that the YFC Couple Coordinator will just plan a meeting--but I guess I missed YFC so much that when I learned that I they're planning to have a meeting, my blood just want to burst into happiness. New people, new stuff to think about...and I missed playing my guitar.

That is why I am buying a guitar TODAY.

And I'm pretty sure that I'm going to take care of this guitar. And besides, I will also buy a cajon to fill my acoustic set! WOOH! This is a career for me now!! :)

***
I've uploaded a song from Naruto, I think it is the 9th theme ending, so if you want to download it, just click that song below:

Nakushita Kotoba - NO REGRET LIFE

***
Mr. Penguin was actually my original character made for my Christmas Cards. But because I can't animate it (I still need to buy a Macromedia Flash MX CD), I decided not to send it to my friends. Mr. Penguin was actually dancing through my head a couple of times now, and he was born just last Dec. 24. So, Mr. Penguin will greet you every Dec. 24 of every year. :) Be sure to stay tuned because I might add Migi the Bunny (another Original Character) and Peky the Duck. That's soon. :)

Migi the Bunny was born March 23 while Pecky was born the day after that.
***

Wowzers!

2007-01-19T07:31:00.000-08:00

It's really hard to focus on something you need to think, because instead, your mind wanders off to the unknown world and be swept away by it.

Like for instance, today I need to think about THE JOB. Yes, THE JOB. I actually haven't seen any jobs as of late, most of the companies I passed my resume to were either idiots or they don't really care because I don't have any experiences at all. OR, they're too racists (can't believe that a woman can do THAT) or sexists, that is. Either way, I'm bumming my ass on my seat while looking for something in the youth program that may take me to THE JOB.

Woe my life is.

But then, well--of course, I am an avid fan of blogging (I never knew I'd be posting so much here on friendster), so here I am, looking at everyone's profile. So if you see that your profile was viewed once, well---that would be me.

Anyway, getting back to my story (and about the swimming thingy), I kind of want to do some shout-out to some of my friends. Well, that is, if they still consider me as their friend. So, of course, my mind again wanders off--and thinks of things that I want to say to my friends. Old and new...I don't care. Just as long as you read the next lines, you'll definitely see you name there. I am sure of it.

High School Batchmates: I know I wasn't the smartest girl in the batch. I wasn't even close to being 'smart'. All I know is that I am a loser--because believe it or not, I have took some of your friendships for granted. I was paranoid at that time because I was on my lowest point: I never believed in myself because I think (and I still think it is) that you never viewed me as "one of your kin". You know, I feel like an outsider. And all the while thinking that, I never realized how many people have come to help me through those 4 years. I never even thought of asking thanks to those whom have supported me in their own little ways. That is why I'm say Sorry and at the same time Thanks. You've all done a great job 'humbling' me. I do hope that all those wounds I caused (I don't know if I did) will heal. And for all those who hurt me, thanks for hurting me. It's one of those times when I just recall those moments, and tell myself that I was lucky to have you as my friends---you all made me strong. And I know I've done the same thing to others, know that I am very sorry because I never intended to hurt you in the first place. Hope we all can start a new, maybe start a new kind of friendship. I hope to hear from all of you guys soon.

Relatives: Nyek! I don't think I did something wrong, did I? We spent a little time together, and now that I'm here in Canada, well---it's not too late to communicate, right? Do message me sometime. Just a message or two would always be fine for me. And I promise that I'd message you too. Sometimes, when you are lonely, you kind of miss the people that made you laugh or smile. I still remember those days when we were kids and everytime there was a birthday party, we would all gather in one place and play hide-and-seek and moro-moro. Ha! I still have the VHS copy of those events. :) Anyway, hope to hear from you!

Joan Jiselle A. Salas: CONGRATUALATIONS! You're a mom na! :) You don't know how happy I am to you (and everyone here in Canada, believe me). Your son looks like Tito Jhonnet, though. :) And as I've said plenty of times, I want to say sorry. I know I haven't been the best insan there is (especially before when we're the only ones left in the Philippines), I know I've done something wrong one way or another--I might have hurt your feelings, that is why I'm saying sorry to you. And and the same time, thanks...because you have loved me (don't worry, I love you too). I miss your presence and your tummy (gagawa ka ba ulit? hehehe...joke lang) and all those stories you tell me whenever you got back from your OJT. I wish I had spend more time with you. I wish I had more time with you (and your kit, I mean baby). I wish I had hugged you before taking off. But no worries, I know we'll meet again. Someday soon. Update me with all of your stories, ha! And tell me if you're still going to Australia (please don't, please! GO HERE!! HERE!!). Don't let the others take over your life, insan. Be determined...follow your heart and God. Blessings to your child and greetings to JR.

CSB Friends: Nyok! Mga tsong, mustah na? When is the graduation party? Inform me agad para makabili ako ng ticket pabalik. Hahahah. Tapos susunod kayo dito. Disney's finding 3D animators---and if you're hired, and sweldo nyo ranges from $40k to $50k. Yun lang. :)

Taxi Peeps (namely Ton, Raine, Gonzi, Jei and Jeanne): I don't know why you guys stopped 'hanging-out', but I feel like I was one of the reasons. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything (I think---yeah. Sorry. especially on that particular person). I shouldn't have stopped hanging-out with you guys, but maybe it was just kind of hurtful at the same time (you all know what I mean, d'oh!). Thanks for the friendships, peeps. I hope to hear from you soon (ALL OF YOU, GOT IT?).

Je-Anne: For my bestfriend that I never considered. Ha! Hope you're doing fine. I miss you a lot and thanks...thanks for everything. :)

YFC People (excluding SB2, of course): Well---I don't know much of you--most of you I've met through those times when MIRC was so hit. Anyways, thanks for the fun and the spiritual empowerment I've received from you guys. I still miss to MIRC days...

YFC South Bee-Two: One: Sorry. I know I haven't been the best leader. I wasn't. Believe me when I say I wasn't. My parents confrimed me about that. All I know is I made a lot of mistakes. I used my emotions rather of my logic when it come to decision making. I know that I've hurt you somehow---and I'm sorry. I can never have peace within myself without saying sorry to all of you. I wasn't a great leader, but I hope I did something worthwhile. Two: Thanks. For bearing with me. For giving me a chance to grow once more. For being able to support me when I thought everyone was against me. For giving me so much love. Three: Nagtatapo ba yung iba saakin? It seems like everyone's avoiding me (well, one way or another---or maybe I'm just being paranoid?).

Pam: Miss you. Miss you so much.
Tep-Tep: Saang skul ka papasok? Tell me ha!
Margaux: Thanks for everything. I love you.
Paulo: May bagong girl na ba? Miss you, bro and ~~I love you~~ I wish you happiness.
Steffi: I hope you're doing fine sa school. Congrats on being a Student Council!
Abby: Wala na akong balita sayo! Email mo naman ako oh!
Mia: My apprentice! Mustah na? YM mo naman ako oh!
Emman: Alagaan mo si Olive ha!
Carline: Alagaan mo si JB ha!
Lee-An: Good luck in everything. :) Email me agad once you've decided upon it. I want to know. :)

To my Friends in Friendster: Thanks. For adding me and such. Thanks.

***
Sometimes, boredom is the perfect way to say what you really want to say. :)

2007-01-18T11:41:00.001-08:00

Bummer that the winter started late (it's already mid-January), but it doesn't mean I don't have the time to celebrate it.

I went to the Library a few days back (actually, it was Monday), and I've decided to give another shot today, well---because I don't have any library card. So, as I went to the library to apply for a library card, lo and behold...snow yet again. Although the snowflakes weren't falling, I still enjoyed my walk on the winter wonderland.

Walking in snow is like walking on sand--except that the "sand" that you're wallking onto is -5 degrees cold, and you need to have at least 4 layers of clothing, and you need to have boots, or else--well, you'll end up paralyzed. Anyway, the sun was up--it was actually, well--calm (not unlike yesterday--it was really fierce and hot, despite the fact that it was winter) and friendly this morning. I popped my iPod on my ear and started listening to Yoko Kanno, all the while being aware of any cars (you don't know I might get hit by those).

My day might sound dull because I entered the library just like any normal humans do; got some interesting books, skimmed into them and place them back (because--seriously, you can't judge the book by it's cover...some of them weren't interesting at all), and then decided to just get a designer's help for dummers thing, and applied for my library card and--you know it, borrowed it.

And, yes--you guessed it. I went back to home.

Yeah...it was boring. But the sound of your shoes squishing and sqashing over the snow feels like a new--world for me. Being able to walk through ice with a 'squishy' rubber-shoes is fun. Being able NOT to determine if your little wet friend is already peeking out from your nose (because, hey, you're numb from the cold...and you can't feel a thing) is embarassing (especially when one of your neighbors walk past by you) yet fun. You can always make fun of yourself.

Which is actually bad, but at the same time, it makes you humble at heart. (smiles Above)
I've read an article about blogs, and well, to get good traffic means to get good links. So, if you want all the latest buzz on Hollywood (actually, its more like a gossip community), click the word ohnotheydidnt!

ohnotheydidnt!

Ms. Kate Garbino will sign off (well, depends on my mood actually. I might post a photoblog...you know).

http://redjedknight.blogspot.com/;

the unsent letter

2007-01-12T08:06:00.000-08:00

Dear ***********,

Hello. I haven't heard from you. I guess your kind of busy, eh? Me too. Been busy trying to get my ass off to work. You know me--I'm lazy, especially when I'm not in the mood. Most of the time, I sit on the sofa and I try not to squint on the unending soap-operas on the TV. I guess I don't have anything to do at all.

Sometimes, when I'm really bored, I go to my room and stare at the celling. I suddenly become nostalgic, and it seems like my mind was a projector--making me see clearly what had happened in my past---what had happened to us. Tell me I'm wrong, tell me I haven't moved on--and honestly speaking, yes, I haven't. Maybe I've done a step or two, may I've driven off miles away, but your ghost still lingers on my head. Although, admittedly, I don't really have feelings for you now--but the memories you have imposed on me can't seem to go.

That is why I'm writing you this letter. I want that ghost to rest in peace. I want my mind to be at peace. And I know you want to be at peace too, right?

Remember when we enjoyed each others' company? You know, no feelings, no tie ups, no unnecessary thingy-ma jigs on the side and all. We were just happy that both of us existed in each others' life. We were friends, good in fact. We share our thoughts without boundaries, we laugh like there's no one around. We love watching movies together, playing different kinds of sports, and all those made-up sports. We've been hurt, and we were there for each other. It gives me this wonderful feeling when I remember those days.

And then, I just don't know why, but you suddenly became sweet. You suddenly cared for me. I felt important and loved at the same time. And I was thinking--maybe you have a little bit of feelings for me.

That is when I started to give my heart again--when it was just starting to heal.

And then after that, after all those make-believes, after all those wondrous times, when I thought that I was loved--you told me that you like somebody else.

And for the very first time--I started to empty my pain with a beer.

And I admitted to you that I liked you.

And you just stared at me like I was some kind of ghost.

And then, you said to one of my friends that you kind of liked me.

And then told one of my friends that you never liked me at all.

You told me you don't want me to get hurt.

Or you don't want to get hurt.

The pain you've caused me still continues to bury me into the ground. I can't go on with my life knowing that you weren't even sorry for what you've done. I can't even make a step to start again without your shadow following me. I can't seem live normally because you always remind me of what I shouldn't have done--on what should I feel. I tried looking for someone else, and I did, but the painfully truth that you smacked on my face was still there. The wound isn't healed.

I can still see now that you've never even bothered telling me this whole *damn* story because you were trying to protect yourself. You were trying to ease your way out from this situation.

Tell me if I'm wrong. Please. I need to hear from you.

Am I mad? No. I am not. I actually want to thank you because I've learned a lot from you. You've showed me a lot about men. On what I should and shouldn't do. Thanks a lot.

I do hope you'll find the right person in the right moment. I know you would.

Thanks again,
****

about the 2nd last entry

2007-01-02T10:32:00.000-08:00

Guys, I didn't mean it in a bad way. Siguro I was just so angered with my dad...kaya yung lumabas. Honestly speaking, I just want a life that's simple. Just like right now--me and my family are just here. I'm taking a job, mom's taking a job, dad's---well, fustrated, my brother's going to school...my lola is doing the thing she's good at...This kind of life is peaceful and serene.

My dream of being a director is my drive and a test. It's like an inspiration to me. Although I know in reality it would be very hard to do. And the test thing...so far, a lot of people failed in it. People say, if you really love someone, no matter what their dreams are, you'd still be there to support and believe in them.

In reality, I just actually want a small family, with me being some kind of a Marketing Director of some advertisement company. Or a businesswoman who is just starting her own advertisement company. No, I do not really want that glamorous-type of lifestyle. I don't want those light-bulbs flashing on every angle that I turn. I just want to have a happy, God-filled life.

It's a drive that makes me do my best in everything that I do. It's the drive that makes me fulfill whatever hopes. It makes me see that people who have the same "high-dreams" as me can actually do it to. Because I know those people who have high-dreams like me experience the same thing that I am experiencing right now. And it makes me understand them better. It makes me open in the mind and heart.

Yes, it is very ok to dream big. Because, you know? Those who dream big have a HUGE HEART. They humble themselves--admit that they can't...but they still strive.

My thoughts are quite, er---unorganize (I'm freezing my arse off--haven't adjusted the heater yet), but I hope you get my point. :)

Christmas and New Year

2006-12-31T11:55:00.000-08:00

I've already confronted my dad about what I was feeling about him last boxing day. I never knew that my "wound" was that deep...and honestly speaking, I've never cried so hard in my whole entire life.

I'll admit, I do have some 'immaturity' going, especially now that I'm being addicted to Naruto, yet again. It seems like I never learned, but I am really trying to stop my 'immaturity'. I still have the tendency to slack and be a brat, but then again--I guess I need more time to adjust.

I miss Christmas and New Year's Eve. Here in Canada, you don't have the feeling of the buzz--you know, when it's really Christmas and/or New Year already. I remember when it's New Year, I could already smell the barbeque throughout the house---especially the raw meats in the morning...today, it seems, well...empty. Like it's not even New Year.

Oh well...this is the life.

***
I've decided to study First Aid and then take a job in the Agincourt Recreationals. At least there's something I can work to. There are Drama Classes that lacks teachers, and--I guess it's another opportunity for me.
***
On the other hand, I'm going to back some of me cakes and muffins.

Happy New Year to all!

of dreams and hopelessness

2006-12-20T06:32:00.000-08:00

My purpose in life is now ruined.

I think I've never felt so disfigured in my entire life.

Last night, I was asking my cousin if I could actually get a degree in college for 2 years. She did explain a lot, which made me thinking, but then she thinks that I can't do it. But I know she's not the only one who doesn't believe I can.

My father has also been forcing me to get another degree--and although my mom has been very encouraging, I know deep inside her, she doesn't believe I can make it. I know some of my friends doesn't believe also. I know that they're doubting that I can't make it. My relatives, though supportive (somehow), aren't really sure of what I will go through.

I've kept this inside me for a long time now. And last night, I can't help it anymore. I know how hard and chaotic the Hollywoood industry is. I know how stupid it is to dream big. I know how tough it's gonna be when finding a job. I know--but why can't they see that I am also trying to be strong, for me. Why can't they see that I love being a director and being in the Philippines for me is not enough? Why can't they see that I love what I'm doing, despite their doubts and fears?

Ever since I heard that someone in the chapel whispering to me to become a director, I've never felt so alive. My heart beats madly whenever I think about it. My life has never had a direction, my eyes were looking straight--because I know I'm going to reach the end.

But then again, my parents aren't going to be proud of me.

I'm weighing if I could actually become a chef instead. You know, like everybody else is. Because in directing, there's no actual career.

I'm hating my life each and every moment.

ARGHHH!! vent

2006-12-14T06:14:00.000-08:00

Naiinis ako.

Basically, I failed one thing today: to wake up early and make some coffee.

And again, it's another big issue with my mom and my dad. After this, the sermon will go on about me being lazy getting a job. Fine, I understand that it's my fault that I can't get up and be active-ly hyper about finding a job. I know I am lazy right now, but I promised that as soon as I pass my grades in Rhyerson, I'll be really working hard in finding a job.

It feels like they think I haven't changed at all.

Well, I don't care anymore. I'm tired of pleasing them. I can't do anything right anymore, whenever I'm with them. Yes, I am sorry for not being so up and early to prepare coffee. I'm so sorry if I'm being lazy. But I don't want them to tell me what to do anymore. I promised them, right? It's like I've never changed---I changed. I've never felt so responsible in my life right now. And with them looking at me like before, I can't help but be enraged. Can't they see past through me? Can't they see that I'm trying my god-damned hard to change for them?

No more. I can't do it anymore. If they can't, they fine. I can do things on my own.

Ang ginaw!!

2006-12-12T12:37:00.002-08:00

We've been very busy today since we are now trying to settle in, here in Canada. It's kind of hard these days because I am the OFFICAL DISHWASHER in this household--but I kind of enjoy washing the dishes. You get to play lots of water in your hands (if ever possible--hehehe).

I've got my room ALMOST clean (I need to fix my clothes and hang them on that PROPER place).

Anyway, I'll try to update soon.

And---for those GACKT CAMUI fans, here's something for you.

2006-12-12T12:34:00.000-08:00

Winter is coming near. It's pretty obvious cause the trees are already bare, and you can't even see the yellowish sun peeking out from the grey clouds. Although the news says that we will be experiencing rains instead of snow, I still want to call it wet snow. Hahaha :)) I am so freakishly weird.

I've decided to create a new blog because I wanted to show that I've created a new life---a new me. And as the autumn changes into winter, although it's overly metaphoric, I wanted to be like that. No, not forgetting the past. Not shedding skins...it's all about changing what I have been before for the better. That's what I wanted to think about.

So far, my life in this country is pretty fair. Nothing much to do--(obviously) except maybe finding odd jobs and all that. I did had a very odd job yesterday---I was doing some kind of Accounts payables---inputing some of the accounts over the computer--. And basically, I've proven that I'm so bad in accounting. BAH. That's why I refused to go to work today. It's not my kind of business thankyouverymuch.

***
There is one particular person that I loathe. Well---not that kind of loathe, loathe. More like whenever someone tells me a story about him, I can't help but be sick to my stomach. I really wonder why---he's a good guy and all that, but bleuurghhh...just thinking about him makes me wash my tongue and all that. Clue? Ah---friday night.
***
I miss my mom so much. I do wonder why. Hahaha :)) maybe because when she's here it's like we're this crazy family in a sitcom. It's like we're incomplete. Hahaha :)) I think that's the correct word. INCOMPLETE. Although my cousins are cool---and we're having so much fun whenever it's after-dinner talking...it's still good to have my Mom and--of course, my lola in this household.
***
I love those J-I-N-G-L-E bells....
***
I'm thinking about Christmas decorations. But first, my room. Gah---my room!!!
***
Word for the day: onmof
...i hope i'm gonna work in Tim Hortons...